“I do not BELIEVE we are still talking about this!! What is it about the Royals that has them wanting new body upgrades?”
The trend of rebodying in April’s house started some time ago, and it’s not letting up anytime soon! Seven girls have had body transplants!!! “For a very simple reason,” they all insist. “We look better in our clothes AND we want to increase our work potential!” Monica was the first to undergo the surgery. “I hated the hour glass look. I look more natural now.”
“And you, Veronica, you are gorgeous. Why on earth did you submit to such drastic surgery?!”
“Yes, I know I’m beautiful, but I even though I was once known as Veronique Sheer Goddess, I was short (by today’s standards) and stuck with that old fashioned hour-glass figure. April loves me, but I just wasn’t getting the work. For 1950’s fashions, my figure was okay, but you know April doesn’t do those kinds of clothes. She fell in love with my Liza Minelli hairdo, but the body didn’t live up to the rest of me. As a result, I’ve stood idly on her nightstand watching all the new girls get the best jobs.”
“Yeah, but with this new body, you didn’t gain all that much height.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s the proportions that count. I have a Victoire Roux body now (like Brie) which affords me the same full bust line as before with a more elegant stance! Moreover, I can wear gloves, narrow sleeves and “real” bracelets. (My hands come off!) Since the surgery, I’m working more now! And so are my friends. Look at Anna.
“She had the same problem as me. Great look but funny short body. Now, she got what’s called a NuFace Body sculpt. It has a smaller bust and more elegant lines. She can tastefully wear more revealing, provocative styles. She’s also working more now! And so is Yvette. When Monica got her new body, she donated her old one to Yvette who was delighted with the few extra centimeters. She too, got an entire makeover…new hair, new look! You go girl!
But the biggest success in the house is Samantha!”
“Ha ha ha!!!! When I think about the condition I was in when April found me….hair chopped up, funny little body. You know I originally started out as “Something Hot Kyori!” So 1950s Copa Cabana! My first doll mom, took my hair down but never had it styled so there were all these funny layers. April saw potential but I just wasn’t photographing the way I should. So there I was, standing on her night stand, watching other dolls get jobs that should have been mine! Just before the trip to Paris, April surprised me with a new body, eyelashes and well….the rest is history.”
Adrianna was not impressed. “All you girls were beautiful BEFORE your body jobs. And..you knew how to pose for the camera to get the best shots in spite of your shortcomings! As a Barbie, I’ve always prided myself for having the “perfect” body! No seams, no joints, perfect proportions and the ability to take precisely just the right pose!”
“Yeah but you Barbies are stiff, inarticulate, stuck with that same old pose! Haven’t you notice that we Royals have taken over the house?! It’s because we’re more relevant to the times. Darling, we have the look!”
Adrianna was furious! “How can you call this relevant when, the new curvy Barbies have shined a light on the need to accept DIFFERENT body types. And what about waste? What happens to the bodies no one wants? They end up in landfills! Besides…this is a very dangerous precedent. Nobody’s going to know who is who anymore! Barbies will pass for Royals. Faux Barbies will pass for the real thing. Even worse… I’ve heard of homes where dolls have stolen other dolls’ bodies while they slept! It’s one reason why I keep my eyes open at all times!”
“Sweetheart….ALL of us keep our eyes open! Besides, there are NO curvy Barbies in April’s house AND… if you want to work, you’d better have the right look, otherwise you’ll end up in the guest room (where all the “classic” dollies are retired). Besides, there is no waste. Everybody benefits. Everybody wins!
“Wait a minute, Miss Thing. I know I was voted, “Miss Be-otche” last week, but you don’t know the whole story. I’m not doing this for the work (well, yes I am, but that’s another story). Before I came to April, I was ROBBED of my original body then given this, stiff, unarticulated old Janay body. All I’ve been able to do is to stand there with both hands on my hips. I couldn’t even bend my knees. And THAT’S why I have an attitude all this time!” April surprised me with a Poppy Parker body. Okay, so I’m a little shorter, but now I can pose my arms and hands in different positions and even bend my knees and ankles. And though my new feet aren’t all that pretty, I can kick off these friggin’ heels and wear some comfortable, FLAT shoes for a change!”
“Hey Coco, how’s Gail’s former body working out for you?”
“Lovin’ it! It’s taller, slimmer, more stylish and I can totally rock this! With any luck, I’ll soon join the A-lister models in the house! Okay April, let’s hit the clothes rack! Gimmee that silk jumpsuit and some pumps. I’m headed downstairs to take my place besides the other “top models” on the piano. Hey, Kirat, how’s my old body workin’ out for you?”
“Oh no, don’t tell me the dollar store Barbies are into this. This cannot be good!”
“Look folks, the days of so-called “B-list dollies,” those of us faux Barbies who have silently “stayed in our places” is over! We have the right to be whoever we want to be. Some of us are…..TransBranders. We were created one way but identify with a totally different doll family. (I’ve even heard that in some households, there are Barbies who are transgender and have made the transformation into Ken dolls!) And while I am honored to be included in April’s community, imagine how me and my friends feel watching all sorts of dolls….from homeless Barbies to fancy Royals…come into the house and get their pick of the designer clothes, fancy jewelry, shoes, dude dolls…..and a modeling contract for April’s blog! We want those things too! I’ve been standing silently on the buffet table for 5 long years in the same old, fluffy grey and beige dress made specifically for my
ugly less than attractive body (which will find its way to the nearest landfill). So when I heard that there was some body swapping going on, naturally I begged (yes, I did say begged) for Coco’s body…wobbly ankles and all. Is it a match? NO!!! But…neither was my old body. And this one is prettier.
“With it I have almost everything…the ability to wear real fashion, real clothes…maybe even a chance at a photo shoot or two. (I even turn one of a Ken doll’s head!) I made April toss my old dress in the garbage then dragged her over to the rack to find me something to wear. I made her restyle my hair. I cannot believe how beautiful I feel now! This is the real me! At last a Barbie!! Who knows, maybe I’ll be nominated for something at next year’s World Doll Day!”
Wait a minute….what is this on my desk? A list of Barbies willing to “donate” their bodies for a “good cause” in exchange for…. new, articulated bodies!!!???!!!