Hey. I’m Gail. I’ve been getting a bad rap, so I’m here to set the record straight.
None, a little, some of what you’ve heard about me is right. But I have my reasons. I had a hard life before I arrived in April’s house! It all started with Fashion Royalty. You see, they named me “Graphic Language Adele Makeda.” That kinda gave me the reputation for bad mouth.
Excuse me….. Be-otche, get outta here. Can’t you see me using the laptop! You gotta wait your turn.
Sorry about that girlfriend. April meant for us to use these devices to communicate with you guys. Not to be callin’ those Ken dolls across town!!!!
Okay, where was I? These little be-otches around this house have NO idea about a hard life. Yeah, I know…there are those so-called homeless dollies. Homeless, my butt. (I didn’t say “A$$” I’m making progress, here.) Fact is, they were all shacked up in somebody’s garage having themselves a good ole time when they were literally scooped up and dumped on April’s doorstep. They had big crocodile tears in their eyes to try to woo April into opening the door. But let me tell you…..you should have seen the arsenal of clothes and shoes they came here with! I don’t know what was happening but from my point of view i’s like they wore stuff a few times then tossed then to the ground and ordered some more! They were only supposed to be here a short while. Long story short….those be-otches are still here!!!!
Sorry, I’m getting off on a tangent. I had a troubled past. No offense but humans can be so twisted. First they decide they don’t like your eyelashes and rip them off. They redo your makeup then discover it’s crap. And after they discover how bad everything looks, they snap off your head and give your body to another doll. Then they strip you naked. And to make matters even worse…. they stick a stiff body on you with knees that don’t even bend, arms that don’t unbend, then sell you down the river for cheap. And you wonder why I have an attitude!
I’ve been here since late 2013. April thought I was praying in that picture she saw me on eBay. (No. I was tired of always having to stand with my hands on my hip. Cannot even sit!) She brought me into the house and seemed to be happy with me at first. But after the first photo shoot, I’m not sure what happened. Maybe my picture didn’t come out so good. It’s like she didn’t want me. You’ll notice there aren’t many pictures of me on her blog. Then one day, I heard her tell a friend how she thought I seemed a little rough around the edges. Really??!!! I haven’t changed. She found me that way. I began to wonder why she bothered to keep me. I thought about leaving on my own, but do you know how hard it is to walk without bending your knees?
Just so that you know…. I’ve never actually beaten the crap out of any Kens. (Only threatened.) Can’t figure out why they don’t seem to have the balls to stand up to me.
Anyway, one day I heard chatter in the house about this new trend called “rebodying.” I thought…that could be my ticket out of here!” To my surprise, April was in full agreement to get me a new body! She said I needed it to work more.
Then something happened. I discovered that with a new body, I’m a new person and April seems much more attentive, more loving. She’s been making me stuff, like new shoes….just for me that I don’t have to share!!!! In fact, I think she has some sort of foot fetish. Everyday, she picks me up and looks at my feet…almost to the point of an obsession. I’m not sure why. The ankles of this new body are far from pretty, but the swivel feet are kinda cool and is something the other girls don’t have. I can wear both heels and flats! She made a pair of espadrilles and some flip flops for my buddy Iman (who has the same style of body). Then she found a couple pairs of (Barbie) jellies that only the two of us dolls can wear! Plus, we can wear many of the other shoes in the house. Cool!!! She made me a pair of golden sandals that tie around the ankle. And she even made a shoe form using my foot as a model and has promised to make me more shoes! Hey, I could get used to this!
Okay, so maybe April really does love me. Maybe this is a turning point in my career. Maybe I do have a future here. Maybe I’ll stick around. Maybe I’ll have a better attitude around the house and even attempt to clean up my language.
Huh? What the hell did you just say, Carlos??!! Cut the crap. You’ll get laptop when I’m good and ready!!!!